Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 24.

 I am concerned about the lack of a response from Aoki. I know it is too early to expect one but given the circumstances, I have been praying that the gods will hurry things up a little. They have not seen fit to do so but I cannot help but fret over when I might receive a response. It occurs to me that I cannot really leave Silent Thunder until it arrives because I have no idea how it could be sent my way once I have left. Regardless of what they are or are not being paid, no merchant is going to wander around the countryside looking for someone in transit... 

I wish to the heavens that I had never said yes to Grandmother. Why did it matter to me that the House tradition of running spies was continued? After she was gone, I could have let the entire affair lapse but instead of doing that, I doubled down and grew it into a monster. I suppose now that my networks seems to be on the verge of collapse, I could just let things be. I could accept the consequences of the truth coming out and just let it go. It is not as if I have much of a reputation to protect so perhaps it is time I just gave it all up and focused my efforts elsewhere. Kaede would let me stay here and Yuika would certainly have me back, I am sure of it. 

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 22.

 I spent several sticks in the library today. I had not intended to spend that long in there but once I started reading, I found that the sticks just melted away and all of a sudden, it was time for the evening meal. I have learnt much today; I was astonished to discover that for all of my education and all my own research, there is much about which I had no idea.

It seems that Silent Thunder gained its prominence by forcibly buying up small-holdings around its borders. Once it had swallowed those up, it continued to force small holders to sell up until the Lord at the time owned most of the Middle Kingdom. The papers do not explicitly say there was bloodshed or violence but what farmer voluntarily sells their farm and then pays rent to stay on the land ...? I cannot imagine that the House holds such records; it is hardly a good look for a House which is now known for its just and benevolent approach. 

Of course the other more prominent land owners at the time were not at all happy and there were skirmishes which led to borders changing and some sort of subterfuge which resulted in White Lake taking a large amount of land. Eventually, the landowners settled for what they had and in time, the Houses were formed. 

I am certain that this is not what I learnt at school but short of going home and looking in our own library for my tutor's scrolls, I have no way to check. I wonder if Kaede knows. I am sure she believes the same story we were all told about one of her ancestors arriving in the middle of some fertile land and being given a sign by the skies that this was the place he should start farming. Perhaps that is even partially true but that is certainly not all he did..

Why I find this so interesting, I have no idea. It does however, throw doubt on the origins of the rest of the Houses. I have never believed that Crying Orchid was founded on the site of a garden where some sort of petulant heroine despaired over the colour of the orchids and demanded that they were all changed. It seems too ridiculous for words. That said, I do wonder whether it is the type of thing Mother might have done in her youth so perhaps it is not entirely without the realms of possibility.

I should probably offer to be of some help with the solstice preparations for the next few days but hiding in the library is a much more enticing idea and I am not averse to avoiding Kaede or Sasanuma so I may stay in here and see what else I can discover instead. 

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 21.

 I decided that I had too much time with which to dwell on my suspicions and my paranoia. The only solution to that was to keep myself busy. I wondered if the Clerk of the Chronicles would see me so I went to the library to ask if he would give me some more of his time. 

He was delighted to have some company and once he had organised some tea, he invited me to sit with him and talk. I asked him if he would tell me what he knew about the other Houses and their libraries. Were any of them known for holding particular types of documents or was it hit and miss? Did all the libraries use the same methods of archiving? I was quite surprised to learn that the Clerk was not well versed in the practices of the other Houses when it came to their libraries; I had somehow imagined him to be an expert in libraries but he chuckled gently and pointed out that it is quite challenging to become an expert in something one has never seen.

In fact, the Clerk has only travelled to one or two of the other Houses and has no idea at all what the rest have in their libraries. I must admit to being rather disappointed but I supposed it was not his fault that I wanted to know everything. I had an idea that the other Houses were not vastly different to Silent Thunder and I reasoned to myself that I could surmise what might be in other Houses if I knew more about this one.

I asked him about the types of records Silent Thunder holds and was only mildly surprised by the answer: births, deaths and marriages, of course, documents relating to purchases and sales. There is actually a trunk full of receipts for good purchased from merchants and several trunks containing records of suppliers and purchases from them. The House has an archive of land disputes and their resolutions, rights given to farmers and small holders and the like. It went on and on. I was amazed by the amount of information the Clerk has swimming around in his head which he can recall instantly.

I thought I knew a lot of things but it seems that I know very little ... I have asked his permission to view the documents related to land disputes simply as a way to keep myself occupied and he has said I may return tomorrow when he will have them available for me.

What a lovely man he is. I feel quite excited at the prospect of burying myself in scrolls for a few sticks. 

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 20.

 The gods are obviously with me today. Haru let me know earlier that one of the merchants who carried messages for her came by this morning. Apparently, he was not planning on it; he had been heading straight for the north but for some reason known only to the gods, he decided he might make some extra coin if he passed by the House on his way. Haru would never have even known he was here had she not, at the precise moment he arrived, been on her way to the latrines. 

I will offer some significant thanks to the gods later. I feel such a sense of relief. My note to Aoki is on its way and I shall find out what has been going on with the birds and get the intel Kaede seems to want so badly. The solstice will be upon us in two sevendays and then I shall be on my way. I feel guilty for wanting to be away from here but I no longer feel comfortable around Sasanuma and I can hardly tell Kaede that I suspect her lover is up to no good. What possible reason would I have to think that..? All I have is the baseless belief that he has invaded my privacy. Except I do think it. Why I have had this complete change of opinion, I do not know but the  more these thoughts swirl around in my head, the more convinced I am that all is not what it seems.

Is Kaede somehow under Sasanuma's control? He is old enough to be her father, after all. Has he convinced her that she is in love with him so that he can gain control of the House? 

I must stop this. I sound quite ridiculous. I must keep my mind focused or I will end up as paranoid as Yuika and that will not end at all well.

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 19. Postscript.

 It has occurred to me since I wrote to Aoki, that I could also go and talk to Kaede and be frank with her about what is going on. I could simply tell her everything. At least then, she would not feel the need to retain the veneer of ignorance when she speaks with me about intel. 

I have not done so, yet. I thought perhaps writing about it might help me decide one way or the other what I should do. Somehow, I must get myself out of this mess. I do not wish to lose Kaede's friendship but if she does know about everything then perhaps I have already lost that; she is certainly too gracious and polite to chastise me openly and she would never ask me to leave the House when she has promised that I may stay.. well... not unless I did something so heinous that she had no choice but is spying on other Houses and paying their own staff to tell me what is going on inside them not heinous...? I think it may be...

What has never really occurred to me before is to wonder why no one else has a similar network. Or do they? It seems unfathomable to assume that the likes of Laughing Spider, whose very foundations were built on deceit and trickery, would not have anyone spying for them... White Lake and Fallen Sakura also known for their attempts to take Lands and indeed Houses from other Families... how would they have planned their incursions without intel...? And knowing the proclivities of those Houses for underhand behaviour, would it not stand to reason that the other Houses would want to know what they were up to...? Then how is it, that until Rani arrived, the only person who seemed to be spying on anyone else, was me.

It just does not make sense. Is it possible that some of my agents are double or even triple agents? Is it possible that everyone is just so good at it that they have managed to remain secret? These thoughts have been coursing round and around in my head and they will not stop. The only way to make it stop is to find out once and for all where my birds have gone and why.

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 19.

I decided after I had given the matter a significant amount of thought, that approaching Sasanuma was almost certainly not a good idea. I do not know him really and I have yet to ascertain how much influence he really has. Speaking to Haru seemed to be a far more sensible idea. 

I was not at all sure how to broach the subject; I was concerned about what might go straight back to Kaede or Sasanuma but I could not leave it alone. I knew that I would not sleep until I had some sort of answer. I decided that I would simply ask Haru whether she still felt the same about continuing to work for me and see what came of the conversation...

She seemed quite hesitant when I asked her; I was surprised by that. I expected her to be firmly committed to leaving my service but instead of telling me that she was resolved, she said she thought having allies in other Houses would be valuable. That was a turn up for the books. I decided that pushing the issue was not the right idea so I let it be for the moment and asked her instead about how she communicated with Aoki before the birds were trained.

Apparently, my guess had not been far wrong. Aoki has a small network of his own. He befriended a merchant or two and convinced them to carry his notes back and forth in return for what, I am not sure that I want to know. That being the case, I of course, asked Haru if she would be prepared to get a note to Aoki. I hesitated to tell her the details but I knew that in her place, I would be reluctant to potentially put myself at risk without at least knowing why.

I decided to tell her about the birds, if for no other reason than I expected her reaction to be revealing in one way or another. I was almost disappointed that she seemed surprised to find out that I had received no birds for some while. She assured me that Aoki would know the answer and agreed that she would get a note out to him. I spent the next stick composing the note so that it is ready to go as soon as one of the merchants appears. Haru thinks that one of them will be around soon wanting to sell hair ornaments in time for the solstice celebrations. I hope she is right. If she is not, I do not know how I will find out what is happening with my network unless I leave Silent Thunder. 

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 18.

 I have thought of little else except my network and how to ensure its safety since yesterday. I have concluded that I must send a note to Aoki. Since he trained the birds, he is the most likely to know if there is a problem with them. I do not know whom I can trust to carry such a note. I suppose I could beg Kaede's leave for a few days and travel to Shimmering Dawn to see him myself but it could be difficult to speak to him in private without arousing suspicion if I cannot warn him that I am coming. No, on balance, that is a terrible idea. I have no good reason to go to Shimmering Dawn. Kaede knows I am bound for Purple Lightning as soon as the solstice is over; she would find it highly odd if I declared a sudden interest in going to Shimmering Dawn. She would realise very quickly what I was up to given what she has asked me to do and my network would be in even more danger. 

Perhaps the best course of action would be to ask Haru how she communicated with Aoki before we trained the birds. I am loathe to involve her since she does not want to work for me any more but I do not see that I have any choice. I must find out what has happened to the birds. If it transpires that Sasanuma has sabotaged my network, I must find a way to warn my people. At least if they know they may be discovered at any moment, they can take steps to protect themselves. Grandmother never warned me about what to do if it all went wrong. Then again, she did not have the extensive network I have built. When I think about my network now compared to the three itinerant merchants Grandmother had spying for her, it is a completely different kettle of fish. I think perhaps I have, once again, bitten off far more than I can chew.

I am disappointed in Sasanuma. I appreciate that he is only looking out for Kaede's interests but why he thought it acceptable to pry into my private papers, I do not know. It is not hospitable. I am a guest. I suppose I did enter the House disguised as a servant and sneak around the library uninvited but I only intended to be here for a day or two at most. Once Kaede had told him who I was, surely that should have been enough for him to cease an investigation? As I sit here and consider this, I realise that Sasanuma knows the details of my intimate life and my cheeks are burning at the idea that he has read those very private things. I have assumed he took my pages while I was bedridden; they were well hidden before that, as they are again. Perhaps that is not the case; perhaps he searched my things while I was out of my room for a while. Perhaps he has had Haru feeding him information. Perhaps I should put myself out of my misery and ask him. Yes, perhaps I should do exactly that... 

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 17. Postscript.

 I realised belatedly that I had been terribly stupid. It hit me like a bolt of lightning while I was sitting by the lake taking some fresh air earlier. Sasanuma is the reason Kaede knows about my network. It can only be him. He makes a living finding things out and engaging in spycraft. If he does not have some sort of network himself, I should be staggered. The only real question is, how does he know? Has he turned one or more of my people or did he read my pages while I ailed? Neither is an option I am pleased with. I hate the thought of him leafing through my private thoughts. Hate it. The idea that he could have shared them with Kaede makes me feel sick. I also do not like the idea that any of my people are now in danger. I suppose he could have intercepted one of the birds. That is the more likely explanation but that presents other problems. If he has taken my birds, Kaede knows. How can it be then, that she expects me to find out what she wants to know? Unless... unless that conversation really was her idea of putting me on notice...

What then, shall I do when she asks for the information she requested I find out?

Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 17.

It seems that my network is not as secret as I would like. I do not know if Haru told her or if she discovered it another way but I am quite certain that Kaede knows.

I met with her today to discuss the "job" she wishes me to, expecting her to ask me to look at some accounts or scour some scrolls for information or even join her housekeeping staff any of which I would be glad to do so I could repay her for the Hospitality she shows me. Instead, she asked me to tell her how she could go about gaining intelligence about the other Houses. I did my best to feign ignorance and asked her why she thought I could be of help in the matter and she paused before saying that she thought that the amount of time I spent elbow deep in scrolls may have given me some insight.

The look she levelled at me was not insignificant. I paused before asking her the extent of the intelligence she required. Apparently she wishes to know what is going on around and about the Kingdom because she feels she has been out of touch. She is concerned that she has not had any responses to her letters to the other Houses regarding Rani and she does not know why they would not respond. I cleared my throat awkwardly before telling her that *if* I were to require intelligence about the other Houses, I would adopt an approach not unlike that of Rani. I would place people I could trust in each House and I would find a way for them to send me messages. 

Kaede nodded sagely before murmuring that a series of runners would be necessary to facilitate that wouldn't something quicker such... birds, say... be more efficient...? I had a very difficult time keeping a straight face. I almost spat out the mouthful of tea I had sipped. How could she know? How? If Haru had spilled my secrets, she would have compromised her own position in Kaede's House. Would she do that? I find it hard to believe, especially as we had already come to an agreement about that. Could she have read my pages while I ailed? I do not believe Kaede would abuse my privacy in such a crass manner but how else can she know?

I coughed before replying that birds could certainly be useful if they could be trained in such a way. Kaede smiled, cat-like and murmured that she would like me to acquire said intelligence for her. I did not know what to say in response to that. I am not even sure I can find out what she wants since the birds seem to have lost their ability to find me. It was a good reminder for me though; I have neglected my network and if I do not find out why the birds do not come, my network could well collapse and all the work I have done to put my people in place and finding brokers to act on my behalf and ensure my network is paid, will have been for nothing. Kaede said she would compile a list of information she would like and she would appreciate it if I could find a way to get it for her.

She said nothing else on the subject and continued to drink her tea as if we had been discussing the weather but I feel somehow shattered. I thought I had been so careful, so devious. I thought no one would ever discover what I had created. I do not think Kaede seeks to destroy it by any means; if that were the case, she could have done it without saying a word to me. Is this her way of putting me on notice about it? No. It cannot be. That is not Kaede's way. She would be direct; in her own tactful way but I would be left with no doubt as to her feelings. I feel strange. As if my network is no longer mine... I suppose I should not begrudge sharing it with Kaede after everything she does for me but it feels as if I have lost a piece of myself.