Year of the Boar, Ninth Month, Day 19.

We cannot be far off the House of Dying Crane now; we crossed the border some while ago and Yuika has agreed that we may stop a while and rest. I have mentioned several times my regret over my actions thus far; I am finding it difficult to reconcile this reality with what I had imagined would be the result of my travails. While we have been travelling, I have come to the decision that I shall remain in Dying Crane only long enough to refresh myself thoroughly and see that Nanami and her grandmother are taken care of and then I shall return the way we have just come and continue on to Purple Lightning. Father wished me to go there and since it appears that I cannot offer Yuika aid, there is little point in staying with her.
While I travelled alone, my mind was occupied with my immediate fears and needs and now that I do not need to worry about where I am going or even about putting one foot in front of another, I have a great deal of time to think... and the Chief comes to my mind again and again. If Yuika was paying any attention to anything other than her own petulant desires, I would be concerned that she would notice the blushes which creep, unbidden, across my cheeks until I am scarlet. I know that I did not dream it; I have scars to prove that but I can scarcely imagine what I was thinking when I lay with him and yet... and yet a part of me wishes myself right back on that boat and in his bed.
A part of me wishes that I were in his bed and that I never had to leave it but my heart has never ruled my head and I have no intention of letting it start now... and yet...