Year of the Crow, First Month, Day 7.

 The quietness of the New Year continues. I have taken tea with Kaede several times and have given her the gossip from Aoki. She pursed her lips in response and I do not know the significance of that reaction. Does she think I was making it up to placate her or does she believe it to be true and has some use for it...? I cannot say and while there was a time I would have been most interested in finding out, now, I only want to journey to Purple Lightning and do as Father suggested.

We have continued to train in the mornings and today, Suzuki actually let me have a sword. I must admit that it was far heavier than I could ever have imagined and I do not understand how battles are won with this as a weapon. When I questioned him as to a lighter option, I got a most disparaging look. He reminded us rather loudly while glaring in my direction, that battle does not wait for one to run around looking for a suitable blade. One must be ready to use whatever is at hand. I could not be bothered to point out that whatever was at hand would likely be something I was carrying, which would definitely not be a sword which weighs at least half as much as I do!

I was dying to ask him about the star shaped weapons as thin as parchment but rumoured to be sharp and deadly enough to take off a man's head. I chose instead, to hold my peace. Suzuki is not a man whose opinions are easily swayed and if he has decided it shall be a sword, then a sword it shall be. I made a somewhat decent fist of the form while holding it but it annoyed me to see Kaede and her cousins flinging their swords around as if they were fashioned from air. I had to remind myself that it does not matter. Soon, this fiction will be over and if I really want to, I can find someone to teach me to wield a weapon built for me when I have settled somewhere.

I have not yet broached the subject of leaving Silent Thunder. I feel guilty that I have abused Kaede's Hospitality, offered very little in return and am now moving on with very little thought for Kaede. Perhaps if I swear some sort of fealty to her, that in the future, if I am needed, I will lend her my aid or similar, she might be mollified. Would I? In her position? I do not know. Likely not, but Kaede is far more gracious than I have ever been. It is also true that she has known about my plan to go to Purple Lightning since I arrived. It is because of her that I am still here anyway.

Because of Kaede I am still here... 

Is this what I have been missing all along? That Kaede is in fact, behind all this herself? Surely not. But it is not without the realms of possibility. For all I know, Mother has somehow got Kaede onside and everything she has said and done since I came here is a lie. A cleverly constructed lie to draw me in to life at Silent Thunder so that I never leave and never find out whatever is at Purple Lightning... No. I am overthinking, as usual. Mother would never be satisfied with a permanent stay at Silent Thunder. If she were behind this, I would have been dragged back to Pale Twilight and confined to my room. If I were lucky and Mother did not decide that the oubliette were a better place for me.

Or would she..? Having me stay at Silent Thunder out of her way is certainly a far more devious way to get me out of her way... and if I were comfortable here, I would not give too much thought to resuming my station in life as a fly in Mother's ointment... It is certainly possible but is it probable? That, I do not know.