Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 25.

This is the first time in a few days that I have felt able to do anything other than sleep or stare at my walls; I have been told that I had a bad reaction to the herbs I took. It is not common and other women who have experienced the same, have not survived. I do not know how I did... 

When I woke, the court physician attended me rather than the midwife. He offered no sympathy and delivered the news that I will not be able to bear children as if he were discussing the weather. I shall say no more about it. I find that I have reached the limits of the truth I wish to tell in these pages other than to note that I feel wretched and disgusted with myself...