Year of the Crow, First Month, Day 9.

 I really have to ask myself at this point, why I am still pretending that I want to learn swordplay. I said in my previous note that the sword weighed half as much as I do. I believe I was factually incorrect; it is in fact, at least as heavy as I am. Perhaps the fact that I am tired is not helping. This morning, I really struggled to lift it let alone move through the form with it. Suzuki merely grunted and told me to keep pushing. 

I do wonder whether he keeps this up merely because he is under orders or because he genuinely thinks that with enough practice, we can become competent. I have decided that I will certainly have a weapon made for me when I am settled. I should be able to defend myself. If weeks on the road have taught me anything, it is that I would have been a lot less scared at times if I had been armed effectively. The small knives I keep are wonderful at close quarters but one lesson I have from Suzuki is that they are only useful if one can get close enough to an enemy in order to use them. Ideally, one would not actually wish said attacker to be that close in the first place as I know from bitter experience.

Still, none of that changes the fact that for some reason, I cannot bring myself to tell Kaede that I do not want to get up at dawn and train with a sword any more. 

I have given more thought to what I should look for when I arrive at Purple Lightning and how I should go about it. Father told me I would find answers there but I cannot be sure of the reception I will get from Tsuyoshi and Ichiko? They may not even know what Father was talking about. If they do know, why would they have kept this secret for so many years only to reveal it now, simply because I asked..? Nothing much makes any sense when I give it serious thought. I wonder now, whether Father even meant the House. For all I know, he could have been talking about somewhere on their Lands. If that is the case, how on earth would I ever find it? 

I believe that the library is probably my best starting point but I am uncertain as to whether I should ask them on the off chance that they know where I should look or not to bother them with it in case they are not on my side.

So many ifs, buts and maybes... And although Kaede promised me when I arrived that I could travel to Purple Lightning under her banner, how will that work? Does she really intend to send me on my way with a contingent of soldiers? That just seems silly since I am more than capable of making my own way. Perhaps I could just ask her for a horse and a letter for Tsuyoshi and Ichiko asking for their aid. I could arrive without ceremony then and just get on with the task at hand with no fuss. 

There will be plenty of time to consider all of that I suppose. For now, I must get ready for dinner. Kaede has asked the fool who performed at the solstice to play for us this evening and since I laughed until my sides nearly split last time I watched him. I am looking forward to this.