Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 25.

I wept today; for the first time since I was a child, I put my head in my hands and I wept. Even now, I am so overwhelmed by my frustration that I can hardly think straight and I am making a mess of my papers again. If anyone ever does attempt to read them, they will find my last few entries barely legible.
Two or three days ago, as I neared the borders of Golden Harvest, I realised that my water bottle was not even a quarter full and as the days are getting hotter, I will be in need of as much water as I can get. Since my route was not due to take me near a stream until well after I had passed into Golden Harvest's lands, I had been using the water from my bottle to keep my hands and face at least vaguely clean - I can see now, that that was probably a mistake. I took a look at my map and saw that if I took a slight detour, I would reach a stream to the North East of Crying Orchid, sooner than I would if I stuck to the route I had originally planned. I was not entirely pleased at the prospect of staying on Crying Orchid's lands for longer than necessary but I believed that it would be more sensible than running out of water. As I was walking, I came across a copse, so I took the opportunity to hide myself there and have a nap until night had fallen. The moon was high and the sky clear, so I did not need to risk lighting the lantern, which I thought was fortunate. I was still very tired but I made myself keep walking through the night, stopping only once or twice for a brief rest, and when the first tentative slivers of dawn began to sneak across the sky, I found that the stream was only a mile or so away. I was thirsty when I reached it, so I knelt on the bank to cup some water in my hands and drink from it. As I did so, however, I noticed that the water was a strange reddish brown colour. At first, I thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me because I was so tired, but after I had tried a few handfuls I could see that it was not, and that the water had a slightly strange smell, too. It was somehow tainted. At that point, I did not feel even the slightest bit of despair for I knew that I could simply continue to walk for another mile or two beyond the source of the contamination and the water would be clean. In fact, I would say that I felt almost optimistic about the whole affair. By the time the sun had reached its peak however, I still had not found the source of the pollution and so I sat for a few moments to think about the situation. I looked at the map for a good while and I could see that I had two choices. Either I could immediately retrace almost all of my steps and cross into Golden Harvest a little further North East than I had planned and meet the river there a little later, or I could keep walking and hope that the source of the taint lay not too much further upstream. Staying close to the water I had already, seemed like the most sensible option at the time, so I folded up the map and hid it away - (it does not do to wander around looking lost, one can never tell who is lurking about waiting to prey on the vulnerable) - before setting off again. I walked and walked but still I found no clean water, stupidly I kept walking and this morning I had been awake and walking for two days when I finally found the source of the stream. A small spring bubbling up through some sort of rock formation, but the water was dirty; contaminated at source. And this spring is not on my map. If only it had been, I may not have made such a foolhardy decision. But then again, I still may not have seen that I had any choice. It was then that I sank to my knees and began to cry.
Although still frustrated, I am at least calm enough to have taken stock of my situation. I have hardly any water and very little food, if I do not find some help soon, I will die of starvation if not thirst. I do not regret my decision to leave home yet, though I may come to in the next few days. I do not know quite what course of action I should take, I am close to the coast now. In fact, I can see the ocean from where I sit and if I were not so annoyed with myself, I could probably muster some poetic lines about its great beauty. Where there are coasts, there are fisher-people, and where there are fisher-people, there must be water. But I cannot think clearly enough to calculate how many days I will need to walk to get there. My greatest concern is that the fisher-people may or may not be friendly and I should be disgusted if I had walked all this way, only to find that one of them contacted my Mother and had me sent back to the Castle. I know that sooner or later, I will just have to take the risk for if I do not, there is no question that I will die, but I am not quite ready to take that risk yet. My other option is to cross into Golden Harvest and walk inland to find that river but I do not know how long it will take me to get there. I must make a decision; usually I would take my time and consider every angle as closely as possible before choosing my course of action. But time is the one luxury I do not have. I must make for the coast. I can see it, at least. And if I die trying to get there, at least I will die free.

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 21.

It is becoming more and more difficult to stay hidden as I move further up the Kingdom; I skirted past one of Crying Orchid's villages a day or two ago and although I did my best to attract no attention, I did draw one or two curious glances. I thought it prudent not to ask for hospitality among the people there as they did not seem overly friendly, but I only have a few pieces of dried fruit and some smoked meat left in my bundle... I hope I can make it into Golden Harvest before I really need to eat... perhaps I shall just have to take things even more slowly so as not to send myself into some sort of collapse...

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 17.

I remembered, after I had put my brush away the last time I wrote, that I had not yet read the letter that Shikiko passed on from Nanami. She apologises for the brevity of her last missive but explains in more detail that events that had kept her from communicating more comprehensively. It seems that Lord Broken Rampart (whoever he is) has been creating quite a stir at Dying Crane. Apparently his lordship has decided that he does not like Itsuki, at all. Indeed, he appears to almost enjoy baiting her. After Lady Yuika's "episode", Nanami tells me that she and Broken Rampart talked at some length. Yuika fell into a barely conscious state and had to be carried back to her rooms. At first (Nanami writes) the Lady was reluctant and shied away from his lordship's touch and even his voice. Repeatedly he asked what ailed Yuika, refusing to accept her vague responses about the heat affecting her. He sent Nanami for a cool damp cloth and actually soothed her brow by all accounts and eventually, something in his manner led the Lady to allow Nanami to answer his questions about her Mistress's ailment. His lordship saw to it that Yuika was settled and asleep before he and Nanami talked in her ante-chamber and Nanami says that she told him everything that Yuika had confided in her. Furthermore, (and were I not absolutely convinced of Nanami's loyalty and good sense I would perceive another trap) she wishes to tell him of my existence and the fact that she serves two Mistresses. I do not know quite how to respond to that, one the one hand, I cannot see the harm in it... but on the other... what if he is not to be trusted after all...? I wrote Nanami a reply apprising her of my location, and my planned route, and telling her that she should take the course that she feels is wisest where his lordship is concerned. Until a bird finds me with another message however, I have no way to send it, so it will have to wait.
I have had to slow my walking pace just a little and as the weather seems to be getting a great deal hotter, I find myself sleeping more. Perhaps it is just that my initial fear has dimmed and I feel safe enough to take a more leisurely pace or perhaps it is the fact that my feet and knees hurt a great deal and my ankle has not really recovered. In either case, I am not making such good time as I was when I began my journey and I am worried about having to find more food on the lands on Crying Orchid. I believe that within another few days I will cross the border into Golden Harvest where I may find help... if I do not, of course I will be in trouble because Golden Harvest is so small that there will be no hiding from Lord Yuuta and Lady Iyo.... they may be duped into believing this a childish prank and that Taiji follows not far behind though... I shall give that a little more thought. I have created another copy of my musings; one that has been slightly adjusted to make me sound quite insane and give the impression that not only am I considering how to end my own life, but also that I am aiming to travel up the West border and into the Eighth Kingdom rather than my actual route which is up the East coast and into Silent Thunder before reaching Dying Crane... I left it torn into a couple of pieces, snagged on a bush, just obvious enough to be seen, but at the same time, looking very casual as if I had dropped it by mistake... at least I hope that's the impression I have created... the hour grows later and I have rested long enough, I must be on my way.

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 14.

My hand shakes as I write this; I am making rather a mess - the ink looks more like a spider had bathed in it and then wandered across my pages than the the courtly hand with which I usually write. But for now, at least, it will have to suffice. Whether it is from cold or exhaustion, I cannot say. I may even be ailing for something although I do not feel particularly cold or ill at present. Since I have no accurate way to mark time, I cannot be certain, of course, but I believe that I may have been asleep for the last 48 sticks or so... Shortly after I committed my last observations to paper, I felt overwhelmed by fatigue and thought it would be reasonably safe to take a short nap here before moving further into Crying Orchid's Lands. I took care to move closer to the base of the bush near which I rested, and using my supply bundle as a pillow. I covered myself with leaves and grass as best I could. And then I slept. I woke once during the dead of night, and once when the sun hung low on the horizon, heavy, gold and lethargic. On both occasions, I tried to convince myself to get up and begin walking again, but I could not. Now the sun is bright and at the peak of its course.
The lands here are deserted, there are no villages near-by and the roads, such as they are, do not look well-trodden. I have allowed myself to believe that I am out of danger just for the time being and I have taken the time to make a careful inventory of my supplies. If I continue to eat as sparingly as I have been, I may be able to survive a ten-day or more without seeking help. After that, however, I shall be forced to look for a village at the very least and the sort of trouble that might invite, concerns me greatly. I must take a closer look at my map and see if I can plan a route that will keep me as far away from the castles as possible while not adding too much distance to my journey. I gave some thought to making straight for Purple Lightning once I was on the road, but I have come to the conclusion that I must first go to Dying Crane. Nanami can help me, even if Lady Yuika will not. But, I ramble. Before I set off again, I must at least make an attempt to document my journey thus far.
I have mentioned that I barely slept for the first five days of my travels; I believed that Mother would be quick to dispatch a cohort to retrieve me and return me to the castle. Within the lands of Pale Twilight, they could do this without impunity since I have no authority at all, and I would merely be a fugitive that Mother wished recaptured on our Lands. On other Houses' Lands, according to the Treaty, permission would have to be sought from the current Ruler for extradition. Mother of course, may order her soldiers to disregard the Treaty, but I do not... think... she would. My present thinking is that my best chance of survival is to ask for hospitality among the villages rather than the Nobility. Villages far enough away from the castles that the Ruler's do not get wind of my appearance until I have well and truly disappeared again. I do not think I can hope to remain anonymous for long; I am not a good mimic and the peasants will know instantly from my accent that I am not one of them. The only thing I will be able to do is tell the truth and hope that they help me...
Eventually I shall make my way to a House that is faintly hostile to Pale Twilight, Golden Harvest or perhaps Silent Thunder (although that might still be risky), they may be willing to risk Mother's anger by harbouring me for a few days. But Golden Harvest is still many days travel from here and while the Treaty may buy me some time on Crying Orchid's Lands, ultimately - (with great concern for my well-being, of course)- Shuuichi will send me straight back to Pale Twilight if I am caught on his Lands.
Thus I have stayed as far away from any kind of civilisation as possible - walked as much as possible during the hours of the night and bathed in streams in the dark too, and during the day, I have kept myself hidden, walking only under cover of greenery or woods. Surprisingly, I have seen no one. I do not know whether to be relieved or worried by this. Part of me does not trust this luck and I fear a trap. I believed that once I finally escaped Pale Twilight's Lands, I would be elated. In fact, what I feel is trepidation. I have been walking for only five days and my feet are blistered, my knees ache and my hands feel rough. Dying Crane is at the other end of the Kingdom, I must believe that I can make it there, but it is likely to take many more weeks of this and I do not know if I have the strength.
I must sleep a while longer and then be on my way. I will give some thought to laying a false trail for those who may be pursuing me, too.

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 12.

I am exhausted. Beyond exhausted, really. I have not put brush to paper before now, because I wished to put as much distance between myself and Pale Twilight as I possibly could. I did not know how long I had before Pale Twilight sent soldiers to find me, so I felt it important that I travelled as far as I could before stopping for any significant amount of time. I have finally crossed the borders out of Pale Twilight's lands and into Crying Orchid's. Thankfully the position of the castle in our lands is reasonably close to the border of Crying Orchid. Had I been born to one of the other Houses, I could easily have had to walk ten or twelve days to get out of our lands... My thoughts are disordered; I should start at the beginning.
After I had lain on my bed for a few hours, waiting to see what would happen, I remembered the list of other things I had been planning to take with me when I escaped. I slid off my bed with only a little difficulty and retrieved then from underneath the floor boards and put them in a second pillow case, along with a formal kimono that I managed to fold up far smaller than I would have thought possible. I put this, as well as the pillow case filled with food and the flagon of water, just under my window sill and went back to lie on my bed and see if a little sleep could be had. I dozed off and on for a few sticks, but in the end, agitation got the better of me and I lay awake thinking about Father and things. I still cannot come up with any sensible ideas regarding Father's state, nor concerning the fact that Taiji and Aki do not see what I see. However, I have resolved to think as little about it as I can for now, and concentrate on my escape until such time as I am in a position to investigate further.
A stick or two after darkness fell, I heard a slight scratching at my window. At first I thought I had imagined it, so I lay completely still and waited. After a short interval, it came again. I left my bed and limped to the window. Sliding it open I was greeted in an almost inaudible whisper by my former maid. I was extremely happy to see her, but there was no time for pleasantries, she asked me to hand her the food I had collected and I gave her the other pillow case too. In exchange, I was given a bundle of clothes and told to dress as quickly as I could. The clothes in question turned out to be a set of servants' livery, slightly modified so that it did not bear the Pale Twilight insignia. As soon as I was dressed, Shikiko (my maid) whispered to me that she would help me out of the window and out of the castle gates. Getting out of the window was much less difficult with a little help and as she guided me through the gardens and towards the gates, she handed me a large bundle tied to a stout stick; my effects, she said. Tied onto the stick for easier carrying, and as I put it over my right shoulder and gripped it with both hands, it seemed surprisingly light. She whispered to me that inside the bundle was another letter from Nanami, in more detail than her last, a set of flints for lighting a fire and some candles for the lantern she handed me as we stepped outside the gates - (conveniently, the sentries were somehow asleep). Shikiko walked a little way with me, making sure I was steady on my feet, and she gave me directions in order to begin my way to the lands of Crying Orchid.
Before she turned to go back, and thus do her bit to help Father, she also handed me a scroll which turned out to be a map. She also gave me news of what had been happening since I was confined and she was relocated. She had spent some time in the castle laundry, horrible she said, the laundry master was a chauvinist pig who took every opportunity to grope the lower ranked servants; often giving as much attention to the boys as he did the girls. Thankfully Shikiko had found a way to blackmail him into finding her another position and thus, found herself attending Father. We did not have time for details, but she told me that Father had spent a lot of his time being concerned about me, and that at every turn, Mother had foiled his attempts to reassert his authority. It was decided that Shikiko would not accompany me, but stay at the castle and try, somehow to keep me abreast of anything significant. We said our goodbyes and then, she turned and began to run back to the castle. And I... I was free.
I have walked at night and kept to the very smallest paths and the middle of crop fields when I have walked during the day. Sleeping only for a stick or two when I have been utterly exhausted and incapable of walking any more. I still have plenty of dried food left, I have been sparing, and have managed to find several streams to drink from, being sure to refill my flagon at every opportunity. I feel slightly safer now that I am off Pale Twilight lands, any soldiers of ours would have to seek permission from Lord Shuuichi before taking any action here. That would buy me time to either effect another escape, or plead my case at the very least bringing Mother's treatment of me public. And so, I allow myself time to rest. Later I shall read Nanami's letter and then I shall add more of my thoughts to this scroll; I think it important to keep a record, just in case anything untoward happens to me, then the Kingdom will know what has been happening.

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 7.

I have done nothing at all in the past two days, wanting to fully rest my ankle. My boredom had started to reach epic proportions, I was just contemplating trying to walk again in order to see how much progress my ankle has made when one of the servants arrived with lunch, and with Aki in tow. I was not exactly pleased to see my sister, as I had still not finished contemplating whether to take her with me... and I wanted to do that in peace and quiet without my dislike for her to colour my thinking; that would be difficult with her in such close proximity.
I was however, quite cheered by the sight of the lunch tray Either someone in the kitchens likes me a great deal, or for some reason, Mother had ordered the cooks to serve some absolutely sumptuous dishes this afternoon. I was looking at the array of food before me, trying to decide whether to tackle the smoked duck with orange glacé sauce or the baby wood pigeon with truffles first, when I noticed that much of the rest of what I had been offered was dry food. Breads, cheeses, some fruits with skins, a little earthenware pot of a savoury pudding with vegetables complete with its lid and a little wooden spoon, a second earthenware pot containing a paté which may or may not be goose liver and some wrapped candies. The servant had also left a huge flagon of water with a cork stopper next to my bed. Just as I was musing on this, Aki began to speak about Father, so I set my spoon down with the intention of giving the food more thought later.
Predictably, she started to cry again, whimpering on about how dreadful Father looked and how she couldn't stand to see him like that, how it was almost too much to bear, going in to visit him every day... I am rather afraid that in that moment I made my decision... I would definitely not take Aki with me. Selfish perhaps, but I could not listen to that on a daily basis, especially as she shuns the chance I would happily beg Mother for, to visit Father every day. So, I decided that I would go alone. When she had finished crying, I briefly asked after Taiji and then I told her that I was tired, that my own health was not improving a great deal and that I really needed rest.
When I was finally alone, I looked again at my lunch tray. As I rooted around the little pots and dishes, I found a tiny piece of paper wrapped around one of the spoon handles, so tightly that it looked like an accent; a decoration. I picked at it until it unfurled and when I looked at it, I could see in characters so tiny they were barely legible, one word. "Tonight." Tonight...? Tonight, what? Judging from the contents of the tray I am supposing that whoever wrote this means me to store this food and that somehow I will be making my escape tonight, for certainly I can think of no other explanation... but how could they be sure that I would even find the note? More to the point, why do they (whoever they are) believe that I will be ready to just up and leave without putting my affairs in order, at a few hours notice? On the other hand, perhaps they are of the opinion that I really have no other choice. I do hope it is not a trap of some sort, I do believe that would be the end of my sanity... I spent the better part of the afternoon wrapping up the food and concealing it in a spare pillow case under the floor boards. When my supper tray arrived it was laden with dried fruits and smoked meats and fish, also dried, and another tiny little piece of paper, this one hidden just inside the lid of another pot of paté. It bore the same word. "Tonight". It is too much of a coincidence to suppose that the food is just the whim of the kitchen staff, obviously it is meant to keep for a while. I retrieved the pillow case from its hiding place and have packed the rest of the food the best I can, and am lying on the pillow case full of food in order to expedite a speedy escape.
There are a few things bothering me though, since I was unable to contact Nanami and tell her about my other needs, including the lantern, I cannot help but wonder what it is that my people have planned. And I cannot help worrying; but there is nothing for it other than to lie here and wait...

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 5 - Postscript.

My ankle seemed slightly better today; it did not hurt when I moved my leg so I decided to try and walk across my room. It was painful, but not unbearable which leads me to believe that with two or three days more rest, I may be able to make my escape.
I have been giving this matter of ... Broken Rampart... some thought this evening. I cannot help wondering whether Nanami has somehow mistaken his name.... I mean, there is no House of Broken Rampart... and in all my study of history, I do not recall ever seeing one. So who is he? Could he be from outside of the Kingdom... ? If that were so... what could he possibly be doing wandering around the Ninth...? But on the other hand... if Nanami has mistaken his name... who could he be? All the current Ruling Lords are accounted for... I suppose he could be travelling under a false identity but what is Itsuki doing, dragging the Ruling Lady of Dying Crane from her chambers in order to offer Hospitality to a minor lord...or a lord from an outlying Kingdom... it simply breaches protocol; I cannot understand it at all... unless Itsuki has seen this as an opportunity to somehow further whatever nefarious scheme she is embroiled within and merely wishes to cause Yuika more pain... This requires more thought before I send the bird back to Nanami.

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 5.

I slept for far too long this morning; I suppose I was excessively tired due to my penchant for night-time excursions of late. The servants were kind enough to set my breakfast tray on my writing table, so at least I did not go hungry. That was interesting though, clearly someone is not obeying Mother to the letter, otherwise I am sure they would have taken it away... perhaps I have a friend after all... I shall have to think about finding out who. My head felt fuzzy when I awoke, that dull achy feeling of being not quite focused which usually accompanies too much sleep. I felt sluggish and not up to giving my plans any great thought... while I was lying on my bed, debating whether or not to try walking, a bird arrived. Thankfully my window was open and I was able to entice the bird inside with the offer of crumbs from my breakfast roll so that I could take the message from around its leg. Nanami has apologized for the delay in replying to my last missive but says that developments at Dying Crane meant that she had no time to put brush to parchment. Her communique was brief, scribbled, not her usual careful hand, I half wondered if it was a forgery before dismissing the idea quickly as paranoia on my behalf. Nanami says that she has contacted my man at Crying Orchid and apprised him of my situation and that she believes that my friends here will find a way to aid me. Of course, she did not know about my ankle when she wrote this, or when she made these arrangements so I suppose I shall just have to wait, and make the best of whatever arises.
Something else she mentions, which is of great interest, is the arrival at Dying Crane, of one Lord Broken Rampart. From what I can gather, Lady Yuika was forced from her chambers by that harridan, Itsuki, in order to offer Hospitality to the itinerant Lord. Predictably, Yuika took fright and there was some sort of .. episode. None of that is surprising, given recent events I suppose, but what I found especially interesting about Nanami's note was the reaction of this.. Broken Rampart... to the Lady's distress. Apparently, he demonstrated great concern for her, insisting on carrying her back to her quarters and returning the next day to ask after her welfare. Nanami seems to think that His Lordship took an instant dislike to Itsuki and that he might help at Dying Crane... I suspect that there is more to this story but also that I shall have to wait to hear it.

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 4.

Though I still cannot walk, I am determined to leave Pale Twilight within the next few days; my position here grows ever more tenuous. Mother seems determined to afford me no rights at all as the sister of the heir to the House, none even as a Lady of the Court. It is as if she has forgotten that I am a grown woman and seeks only to put a recalcitrant child in her place. Or so I thought until this afternoon. Since I am still bedridden, I am excused from tapestry so I have seen neither hide nor hair of my sister or indeed, my brother since I faked my "episode", and I was extremely surprised when first Taiji visited me and then Aki. I knew something was bothering Taiji, after all, we are twins, and much as I dislike him, I know how he thinks. He refused to confide in me though, and we talked of inconsequential gossip until he decided it was time to leave. While we conversed, his eyes constantly flitted about my room, and Taiji could not seem to concentrate on anything much, I did ask him what bothered him, but he insisted it was nothing.
I was lying in my bed thinking on our conversation, considering everything he had said and everywhere his eyes had looked. Wondering whether Mother had sent him to spy, and if she had, had he seen anything that had given her ammunition. What could he have seen...? Although I was still bothered by the scene, I was doing a fairly good job of convincing myself that he could not possibly have seen anything that would damage me; after all, these papers and my brushes and ink are hidden beneath the floor and I never get them out unless I am absolutely certain that there is no one hovering near-by, but who knows what Mother asked him to look for. As I was thinking on this, Aki came into my rooms, barely waiting for me to answer her knock before she came rushing over to sit on the edge of my bed. We exchanged the usual pleasantries expected of us by propriety and then suddenly, my little sister began to cry. Not only did she cry but she threw herself into my arms as if she were a little child in need of her mother. I did my best attempt to keep the grimace from my face and when she had finally stopped wailing, I asked what troubled her.
The news was dreadful. Father lies upon his deathbed. When Aki had quieted, I asked her as many questions as I could without making her suspicious or upsetting her further. From what I can gather, though it is not much, Father has been ailing for several weeks, growing fatigued and weaker, seemingly unable to focus on the daily administration of the Castle. Leaving it increasingly, to Mother. It pains me that I did not notice this, how could I not have seen this...? Father growing distant and not confiding in me, refusing more and more often to let me have my way, more frequently deferring to Mother... It was not because he was angry with me, it was not because he had come to favour Taiji; it was because he was ill. Could I have done something if I had seen it sooner...? I will never know. As soon as Aki was in a sufficiently calm state, I sent her from my rooms, assuring her that she could return whenever she wished, and asked her to send some servants to me. When the servants arrived, I had them help me out of my bed and to Father's rooms; I waited outside while his personal guard went in to ready him for a visitor and when I went in to see him, I could not keep the shock from my face. In the time since I was excused from attending dinner with the family in the Banquet hall, Father has grown gaunt, nay, emaciated. He has so little strength that he could barely lift his hand to take mine. Worse yet, he did not seem to know who I was, he called me by my Mother's name twice and by Aki's. I could hear the servants muttering and shifting about in impatience and as I did not wish to tire him, I promised I would be back again on the morrow to sit with him, that I would read to him from his favourite books if he wished. He seemed pleased by the idea. As I learned to kiss his cheek however, I received a huge shock as he whispered to me, his voice stronger than it had been throughout our interview "I love you, my child" he said. He paused for a fraction of a second and then he said "The answers you seek lie in the libraries of Purple Lightning" My confusion must have been evident for when I looked into his eyes, he said again "I love you." and I saw then, that there could be nothing wrong with Father's mind, for his eyes seemed as bright as they had always been. I looked about me to see that none of the servants were watching and nodded as slightly as I could and at that he seemed to relax into his pillow, almost as if.... as if his work were done. It was clear that our interview was at an end...
As I was limping back down the corridors to my room, held firmly between two servants, yelping each time I had to put weight on my ankle, Mother caught me. Her face was thunderous as she demanded to know what I thought I was doing outside of my rooms. I did my best to remain as calm as possible as I responded by asking her when she had been planning to tell me that my Father was dying. But my blood felt chill as Mother dismissed the servants, and after she was sure they had gone she actually smiled faintly and asked why I thought I needed to know. Before I could answer her she continued; one more infraction she said, and I would be wishing that I had never been born, at least within Pale Twilight's borders. I glanced about me, hoping beyond hope that someone was about, that there had been someone to hear, but of course, there was no one. Mother told me that I could get myself back to my rooms and then I could stay there; all of the servants had been instructed to obey her orders solely, on pain of severe punishments and if I were lucky, she said, I would be fed in my rooms. After that, she gathered up her silks and swept off. I tried to walk back but I could not, and humiliated, after a few steps, I was forced to crawl.
I have been thinking over my meeting with Father all evening, I cannot understand what is happening, how is it that Aki seems to think Father is losing his mind, how is that I thought the same when he clearly, is not? But then again, if he is not losing his mind, what is this business about Purple Lightning...? Was Father telling me to run? And to where? Or is it possible on the other hand that this is all some kind of sick trap, that someone wishes me gone or worse... ? And if so, by running, am I playing right into their hands...? But who...?
I also cannot understand why my own Mother despises me so much, but I do not think I care to stay here and find out. There are just too many questions in need of answers... My head hurts just trying to contain them all in some sort of order. I think though, that regardless of the dangers outside the House, the peril within the walls is much greater and so, I come back to my first instinct, I must run. And soon. My only concern now, despite the fact that I do not much like her either, is Aki. Can I, in all conscience leave my little sister alone..? Perhaps it is I, that is not rational, I do not know. But again, I do not think I care to find out. It is a risk though, should I confide in Aki, she may tell Mother... yet if I do not.... she may find herself meeting my fate...

Year of the Boar, Sixth Month, Day 3.

The pain in my ankle lessens although walking is still nigh on impossible. The physician, predictably, has prescribed bed rest until the swelling has completely abated. I am bored. Horribly bored; more bored than I was when he confined me to my bed the first time, since now I cannot even leave my bed if I want to. More to the point, I still have no ideas what I am going to about my escape plan. I cannot get up to meet the servant who will bring my clothes. If indeed, Nanami has managed to organise one. I grow weary and I am afraid that I am becoming resigned to remaining a prisoner at the House of Pale Twilight's pleasure...

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 29.

I curse my own stupidity; these past two days I have actually been confined to my bed for a genuine reason. Having formed the plan whereby I would attempt to navigate my way as far as the Castle gates in the dead of night, in order to familiarise myself with the route in the dark, the night before last, I did exactly that. Unfortunately, no sooner had I climbed out of window than I stumbled and twisted my ankle. I say... twisted... I believed at first that I had broken it, so hard did I wrench it. The pain when I even tried to move it was indescribable. I could not put any weight on it at all and I do not know how long it was before I summoned the strength to drag myself back through my window and into my bed, but it was a long time. I grew cold as I sat on the ground in the dark and each time I heard the slightest sound, I cowered like a frightened child, afraid I would be discovered. I tried several times to get up and complete my "mission" but each time I pulled myself to my feet waves of nausea washed over me and I believed I would lose consciousness. The pain did not appear to be receding at all and by the time I heard the peacocks shifting about just before dawn, I knew I had no choice but to somehow get myself back into my room. Explaining to Mother how I came to have injured myself was not much fun either - I had no time to think of a plausible reason for me to have done myself such harm in a room which, though spacious, has no shelving or high seating. In the end, I arranged myself on the floor in my sleeping down and lay there, pretending to be unconscious until someone came in with breakfast, and then I claimed that I remembered nothing and had no idea how I had to come to be out of my bed or to have sustained the injury. Obviously, Mother did not believe a word of it, and there followed an enormous row during which I alternatively claimed utter ignorance and wept in pain until she went away, seething and muttering about my duplicity.
My time grows even shorter, I am convinced that somehow Mother knows what I am about... but until my foot has healed completely, I dare not even attempt an escape. My little forray did little to help me, except demonstrate to me, just how difficult it will be...

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 27.

I have decided that the best way to navigate the castle grounds as I make my escape, will be to have done a practice run first. My latest plan is to sneak out within the next day or two and see how the land lies so to speak. I shall see if I can get to the gates without being caught. It will be a great risk but I do not see that I have any choice; if I simply try to leave on my first attempt, I might get into dreadful trouble....I will test out the route and then I shall try it a second time but I shall mark out the trail somehow in order to facilitate a swifter departure. Once I have thought of a suitable way to mark the way, that is. I have also been giving the matter of a lantern some consideration and I believe that I have no option but to take one with me. The light may call attention to me, which of course is not desirable, but on the other hand, the advantage of being able to see the road beneath my feet and any others who may be abroad during the night, will, I believe, make carrying the lamp, worth the risk. It is too late to send another bird asking Nanami to add a lantern to the clothes I have asked for, at this point, so I think either I will have to stay awake and watch for any potential servants bringing clothes to my window during the next few nights and ask for a lantern aswell - which will interfere with my plan to go out and mark a trail for myself- or, I will have to begin keeping the candle ends from my room and hope that they will suffice. For every decision I manage to make, another two or three present themselves... I am beginning to wonder if I should not just leave without bothering to make any preparations at all...

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 25.

I have sent a bird to Nanami apprising her of the worsening situation here and asking her to send a message via my people at Crying Orchid to have one of my people here creep round to my window after dark and leave a set of servant's uniforms for me. It is not a very good plan but it is the best that I have. My only hope is that Nanami will manage to send the message in time. If she does not get the bird to Crying Orchid within the next two days or so, there is no way my people there will be able to get here, and arrange what I need in time for me to get out before Mother's iron hand clamps down upon me again. I do so wish I had thought of another way to communicate; it never occurred to me that I would find myself cut off from my network in my own House. The only good thing about all of this is that the birds I use to communicate with the North are trained to find me and not my room...so I shall at least have a way to let Nanami and my people at Fallen Sakura know what is happening if my situation on the road becomes desperate... I still have so much to plan... I must leave this and start putting my things together more properly...

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 24.

My time grows short; Mother has decided that I should rejoin the Court for meals in the banquet hall and after that, it will doubtless not be long before she starts introducing her "improving literature" to my mornings again... and I simply do not believe I could stand it. I managed to persuade the physician that I felt weak and unwell again today and he has advised Mother that it would be unwise for me to leave my room just yet as it may well be detrimental to the continuing improvement of my health. A few more days... and then it will be back to the obnoxious rituals of the "improving literature", quizzes over lunch, tapestry in the afternoons, followed by more of the reading and then another inquisition over dinner... I cannot do it, I must find a way to leave, even if it means roaming the countryside in complete darkness and taking my chances with bandits and highwaymen and who knows what. I must be free. I must.
I have added a formal kimono to my list of things I must take with me. It occurred to me that I may, at some point, have to throw myself upon the mercy of one of the other Houses and it will be far easier to get them to at least acknowledge me if I wear Pale Twilight's insignia on my breast. This is annoying, as it means my pack will be much heavier than I would have it be, but a necessary evil I think. I have been thinking about possible routes in the last few hours; I have already ruled out Laughing Spider and Crying Orchid; they are notoriously Patriarchal and not at all inclined to aid me in my "rebellion" against the wishes of my House. Lady Kaede of Silent Thunder might have helped me, had she not been silly enough to get herself enslaved and Lord Kenta... Lord Kenta cannot be relied upon to do much since he is so pre-occupied at present. That makes Silent Thunder an unsafe bet. I would not set foot in Fallen Sakura's walls even did I think Lord Shigeru would aid me and Purple Lightning is somewhat of an unknown quantity... I believe that my best hope is to head for Dying Crane, Nanami will help to hide me if Lady Yuika will not help me, but I have a feeling that I may find the Lady herself, sympathetic to my cause.... the same cannot be said of the other Houses... at least I believe that she will not give me away until I can flee into the Seventh Kingdom and out of the jurisdction of my parents. That is my latest plan; to leave the Ninth Kingdom altogether and find a completely new home, free of the restrictions that bind me in the current one. I am not stupid enough to believe it will be easy, but I feel that I have no choice at all.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 22.

It occurred to me that I could use one of my pillow cases in which to carry my effects when I make my escape although I have yet to have any inspiration regarding attire. I become increasingly frustrated at the inertia which grips me; with each passing minute I think of yet another thing to which I must give my attention before I leave and yet I remain powerless to address any of them...
The latest thought to bother me is the fact that when I make my escape, it will have to be at night. I cannot possibly make any attempt to leave during the day; my disappearance should be noticed immediately and I think Mother would throw me in the dungeons without a second thought. Yet if I make my departure at night time, how on earth shall I see? It occurs to me that in order to make an entirely safe escape and give myself the time necessary to put some distance between me and Pale Twilight, I shall have to leave in the very dead of night when even the servants have gone to bed for the night. What that means, is that the lawns will be completely dark, and so will the roads. I can scarcely draw attention to myself by carrying a lantern but neither can I wander around the countryside in complete darkness... anything might befall me. Such is my frustration that I would scream if it would not draw Mother's attention to me.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 21.

I have spent the past few days scheming furiously; I have been through my entire wardrobe and find nothing remotely suitable to wear for extensive travelling on foot. Added to this, I still have not thought of a way to get myself into the library to steal maps, and although I have gathered the few possessions I could not possibly do without; my hair brush and a small mirror, my papers and some brushes and a block of ink, some undergarments and a piece of soap... and... the bunny rabbit toy Father gave to me on my third birthday, sentimental of me, I know, but I should be sorry to lose him - but as yet, I have found nothing in which I could carry them.
On a slightly more positive note, I have spent several hours observing the habits of the peacocks on the lawn; to my astonishment, they actually sleep in the trees... in the trees...! And to think that I had absolutely no idea at all... they really are quite curious creatures indeed. I also had no idea that they eat a diet of seeds and other vegetation and reptiles... reptiles... very strange. They feed on the ground and then somehow - I cannot understand how, since their bodies look so heavy - they heave themselves up into the lowest branches of the trees surrounding the lawn to sleep. They wake easily though, and when they are disturbed they make that dreadful shrieking noise that they are only supposed to make when they are trying to attract a mate. For some reason, Pale Twilight peacocks seem to do it whenever someone invades their space. I think as long as I am very quiet, that I can effect an escape across the lawn after the sun has set.
Until I find something suitable to wear, and some sort of pack, however, I can do nothing. I am desperate to get out of Pale Twilight but a hasty, unplanned departure would only mean a prompt capture, and I intend to make sure that no one ever finds me.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 17.

Things here have become intolerable; the physician told Mother that I should take a turn aound the garden each morning in order to aid a full recovery from my ... "indisposition"... Indisposition, indeed. He makes it sound as though I were with child...! Mother, though, decided that the physician was being precipitous and that my condition would not be helped by frequent visits outside where I could be "disturbed" by courtiers and the like. In short, she has decided that I am to remain in my quarters for the time being. The physician was my last hope, I really believed that Mother would listen to him... I should have known better.
It has finally occurred to me though, that since my rooms are on the ground floor, with a little careful planning, I could simply climb out of my window and escape through the gardens and out of the Castle grounds, at least. I have begun putting a few things aside, I will have to fashion some sort of pack in which to carry them, and I shall have to time my escape perfectly. There would be nothing more frustrating than effectng an escape only to have the peacocks on the lawns wake the entire castle if I disturbed them... or the dogs... and I have no maps... I have no idea where I am going to go. I do not even think I remember the way to any of the other Houses, the roads look different from a palanquin, and I shall not be able to take the main roads. I risk being caught within days at the most if I travel by roads; unless... unless I find some way to disguise myself... I shall have to think more on this... I could cut off my hair and travel as a boy, I suppose, but where am I to find boys' clothes...? More to the point, where am I to find scissors with which to do the cutting? I have nothing in my rooms, other than silks and my papers. I have so many decisions to make, and I do not seem to be capable of making any of them...

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 15.

The desire to flee the walls that confine me grows stronger by the hour; a bird arrived from Nanami four days ago and I had time only to grab the message ring from around its leg and shove it inside my sleeve before Mother barged into my room with a "fortifying broth". Of course, she demanded to know what I was doing out of bed and more to the point, why the window was wide open. I mumbled some excuse about feeling faint and thinking that the fresh air would revive me. Mother believed me and bundled me back into bed, making sure that I ate every last drop of broth before warning me to stay in bed until the physician had given me permission to be up and about. Just as I was breathing a sigh of relief and admonishing myself for being careless and telling myself that I may not be so lucky the next time. a pair of servants arrived and settled themselves, one at the side of my bed and one at the window. And there they stayed. I do not know at what hour they left, but a new set had settled themselves by the time I woke the next morning and since then I have had little respite. Mother's idea of making sure that I stay in bed I am sure, it as bad enough that I was subjected to bed baths, but not even being allowed to use the chamberpot in privacy is utterly humiliating... Thankfully the physician declared me fit and well this morning and although he has not yet recommended that I be permitted to leave my rooms, I am at least to be left unsupervised for a few hours in the morning and in the afternoon. It should not be too long before my presence is required at table again and after that, perhaps I shall be able to effect my escape... Unless... unless things become markedly worse in the next few days, I shall bide my time and plan as properly as I can.

At last I have been able to read Nanami's despatch; her hand hurried and untidy, seemingly she has not much time to herself either, she writes that Lady Yuika continues to ail. That Her Ladyship barely eats or sleeps and that she smokes constantly. None of this is news of course, but according to Nanami, matters became markedly worse recently when Lord Kenta arrived at Dying Crane. Nanami tells me that Itsuki forced Yuika to serve tea to an "emissary from Silent Thunder", that she did not tell Yuika the identity of the visitor and that when Yuika arrived in the Reception room to offer Hospitality, she fairly near fainted at the sight of Lord Kenta. Nanami remained close to the Reception room and overheard much of their conversation but not all. Lord Kenta told Yuika that he had heard of her... "troubles" that he had attended the summit at which the Houses had discussed Lord Fallen Sakura's likely guilt or otherwise and that he had encouraged them all to see His Lordship deposed if not executed. He spoke of his failure to convince them and his guilt at his failure. He told Yuika that he would not see her thus, and offered to put himself at the disposal of Dying Crane, to be of any assistance he could in the Lady's time of trial. Her Ladyship's response, apparently, was less than favourable, she became angry and asked him icily to leave Dying Crane and never return. She did not need his..."charity"... Nanami writes that Lady Yuika has been crying ever since and refuses point blank to leave her chambers at all. I wish there were something I could do... but until I escape my own prison, I fear I am powerless to help Yuika leave hers. I have instructed Nanami to do whatever it takes to ease the Lady's burden and also to put her mind to thinking about how I am to escape from Pale Twilight; I do not seem to be having an awful lot of success on my own.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 11.

The past two days have bordered on torturous; I had thought that after my little interlude with the scisssors, I might be allowed a little freedom at the physicians' recommendation... Instead, he confined me to BED. I just could not believe it. Bed. Overwrought, he told Mother. Clearly a victim of my own overactive imagination and in need of some serious bed rest. No tapestry (thank goodness) and no books to stimulate my mind; just bed rest and lots of disgusting "strengthening potions". The only good thing to have come out of this is that my presence is no longer expected in the banquet hall at meal times, my meals are brought to me in my rooms and if I do not eat everything, a servant waits until I have. Bath times are awkward though, since I am now being given bed-baths by Mother's servants. I am so frustrated that once again, I could just scream. Unfortunately, I must keep up this pretense of being frail and ill and though I am supposed to be resting in bed, the constant stream of servants and the physician's minions is more stressful than life before I faked my little attack. Perhaps in another few days I will be permitted to take a stroll in the gardens, I am now giving serious thought to making that my escape opportunity and taking only what I can conceal under my silks, running away from home. I really can bear things here no longer.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 9.

The hour is very late; the court physician insisted on remaining with me far longer than strictly necessary. Although, if I worked for Mother, I would go overboard to make sure I did everything possible too. I put the next stage of my plan into action today. I began at breakfast by wrapping my silks around me tighter than necessary and sending servants for two extra blankets, grumbling to Aki that the banquet hall felt colder than usual this morning. When Mother went so far as to leave the table she shares with Father, to walk around and tell me that Father wanted to know why I was so cold on such a lovely morning, I insisted that there was nothing wrong, I hadn't slept well, that was all. I intimated that a good bath would probably do me a world of good and begged Mother's indulgence in allowing me to bathe after breakfast instead of waiting until after supper. I believe her face actually softened slightly, although I cannot be sure that this was not wishful thinking on my behalf, and she agreed that I could go. Of course I was still to be escorted by two of her trusted cohort, and so I kept up the shivering and looking drawn until I was alone in the bath and they were safely outside guarding the door; even Mother's new rules will not induce me to have servants I do not know well bathe me, and I have always preferred to do it myself anyway. Mother did not bend enough to extend the amount of time I may spend bathing, and all too soon, the servants knocked at the door and bid me return to my rooms.
Lunch was ... difficult; I tried to maintain a balance between looking distinctly improved but at the same time, not quite well. I made faint attempts to converse more animatedly than I had at breakfast yet I "lost my train of thought" several times as we ate our way through a light meal of flat breads and jams and fruit. I was forced to slip a fair amount of mine into my sleeves in order to still appear off my food, but I must admit to having enjoyed it greatly in the hour between lunch and Aki's arrival with the tapestry... Mother cast several of those concerned looks in my direction whilst we ate, but she did not leave her table and she did not question me further. As soon as we had finished of course, I was escorted back to my rooms by Mother's servants and I made sure that I stumbled somewhat theatrically on the way down the long corridor. One of them looked at me curiously and I waved her away; insisting again, that I was perfectly fine. Once alone in my rooms, I gathered my papers and hid them away under a loose floorboard so that they should not be found "by accident" when Mother and her people swarmed into my rooms as I expected them to, ate the remainder of my lunch and arranged myself by the windows so that I should be looking out wistfully when Aki arrived. I had thought it a great possibility that Mother herself would come rather than send Aki, but she did not and Aki and the maid arrived exactly on time, bearing the tapestry between them. That thing is growing at an alarming rate, it disturbs me greatly to know that I have sewn more than half of it by myself. Aki seems to stitch less and less these days, apparently more interested on spying on me, and the maid is simply there to tend the yarn and sort scissors and the like. In fact, it is positively sinister that I find myself able to do something I despise so much, so well. I really cannot wait to be free of this nonsense. It was as Aki kept her beady eyes upon my work that I began to lose my place in the tapestry again and again; feigning confusion and squinting at the pattern, and counting and recounting, I was so convincing that Aki even asked me if I ailed. Choosing my moment carefully, right as I insisted that I was perfectly well and that she should stop fussing that I "slipped" with the scissors and "accidentally" slashed the palm of my hand with them. Obviously I was extremely careful not to get blood on the tapestry; should my plan fail I do not want to have to begin it again. Even I was surprised by how much blood there was but it was all to my advantage as I cried out weakly, holding my hand away from me, gasping. As I answered Aki's shrieked inquiry as to what had happened, I pretended to swoon, pressing the back of my other hand to my forehead in that practiced gesture of mine, and falling as gracefully as any tragic heroine, to the floor. Obviously I could not remain in a fake swoon for terribly long; I doubted I would be convincing once the physician arrived in any case, so after much fluttering of eyelashes, once Mother arrived in answer to Aki's screams, I "regained consciousness". The rest of the afternoon was rather frantic, as servants rushed in and out fetching things mother demanded and various potions were forced upon me at the insistence of the physician. Desperate for a few moments alone with the physician, I remained, weak and unresponsive to his questions, growing visibly agitated whenever Mother or Aki drew nearer and finally, to my intense relief, he ordered them all outside, saying that his patient needed some rest. I spoke to him in low tones, anxious about being overheard, explaining that Mother had confined me and that although I understood the reason for my punishment and that I fully deserved it, I was unused to spending so much time indoors and that I was grew bored and anxious and that I missed the sun. The physician nodded sagely and murmured that he would speak to Mother.
It seemed as though they were in my rooms for a year, flurrying about, opening windows and checking the position of the sun, forcing more "strengthening potions" down my throat and in Mother's case, quizzing me endlessly about my condition. The physician had stern words with Mother once all the servants had been sent from my rooms and after that, I was allowed to rest. Eventually, when Mother was convinced that I slept, they too, departed and I am left with a fairly strong hope that my efforts will not have been in vain and that I may be allowed a the little freedom I need to at least get into the library within the next few days.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 8.

I have been very careful over the last two days not to draw too much attention to myself with regards to Mother, answering only two or three of her questions anywhere close to her satisfaction, making sure that I ate sparingly but did not make a fuss about it, nor did I do any of the theatrical pressing of my hand to my forehead. Mother continues to look concerned and during the "sewing hours" yesterday afternoon and this, I noticed Aki keeping a very close eye on me, as I all but wilted over the tapestry; stitching very slowly and occasionally rubbing my eyes. I have something really rather theatrical in mind for tomorrow which I am sure will at least merit a visit from the physician; I hope that I can persuade him that all I need is a little fresh air at least.
I managed to send another missive to Dying Crane yesterday evening. Since Nanami has been the most responsive of my network of late, and seems to be settling into her position nicely, I felt that she might be in the best position to aid me. I advised her of my situation here, that I was setting a plan in motion to remove myself from it and informed her of my wish that she find a way to apprise the rest of my network of what is happening and that they should avoid contacting me directly but rather go through her. I hope this will minimise the risk to my network in the event that I do escape from Pale Twilight, as none will come looking to find me here and run into Mother instead. I have heard little news from the rest of the Kingdom, according to Nanami's last report, Lady Yuika ails badly, refusing still, to leave her rooms. And the news from Silent Thunder is that Kaede remains "under protection" whilst Lord Kenta seems to have disappeared. Well, no doubt my network will discover his whereabouts soon enough, but I do, so wish I were in a position to do something for Yuika... Nanami has mentioned that Itsuki's grip seems to be tightening and Lady Yuika is either unwilling or incapable of doing anything much about her; Nanami does not seem to know which it is. I suppose only time will tell... But I must sleep, I will need my strength for tomorrow especially as I have yet to plough through several chapters of Mother's "literature".

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 6.

I began putting my plan into effect yesterday... When Mother began her daily quiz on her "self-improving material" I actually answered one or two questions to her satisfaction. She did seem suspicious at first but I was very careful not be too enthusiastic and she actually offered me an extra plum at the end of the meal. This morning, I pressed the back of my hand to my forehead, very theatrically, several times during breakfast and when Mother asked if something was wrong, I insisted it was nothing. Before lunch I stood in front of my open window until my face turned pale and then put my hair up in such a style that I looked most drawn... I ate properly of course, but throughout lunch I noticed Mother looking at me curiously more than once. This evening, I pretended not to eat, answered more of Mother's questions dully and made sure I pressed my hand to my forehead a great deal. When Mother demanded to know what ailed me, at first I demurred, saying again that it was nothing. But after more questioning from Mother, I let it be known that I had been feeling unwell for a few days, I felt tired and weak, and my head hurt... I was sure it was nothing, of course... Mother's response to that was to force a second helping of roast duck on me and make sure that I ate a large portion of pureed raspberry for pudding. She even went so far as to ask me fewer questions this evening. I think my plan may work, but I shall have to be extremely careful not to overplay my hand.

I also realised why news from Houses other than Dying Crane, Silent Thunder and Fallen Sakura has been extremely thin on the ground and that is because my messengers now have no way to contact me. The three Houses furthest North of course, have carrier birds but I have never bothered to train any for the Houses closer to Pale Twilight. This means that they have no idea of my situation either and I must think of a way to rectify this.

Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 4.

I cannot believe that my own brain has become so stultified that I did not think of this before... I finally realised earlier today that in order to get what I want, all I have to do is convince Mother that I have reformed! It's so staggeringly simple that it completely passed me by. If Mother believes that I have seen the error of my ways, I shall be granted at least a little freedom, perhaps enough even to get into the library and liberate some maps... Of course an overnight reformation will not do; Mother would never be convinced so I shall have to think of some way to effect a gradual transformation... perhaps I could begin by complaining of a headache or two... hmm... yes.. an illness could work wonders... I shall think more on this.

Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 29.

I am still very much at Mother's mercy; she has been steadily increasing the amount of that "self-improving literature" she is expecting me to read. Mealtimes have become an utter nightmare as she continues to quiz me on what I have read; in the banquet hall this evening, she informed me at the top of her voice that if I did not make a better job of absorbing the instructions she sets forth that she will have me taken into the courtyard and whipped with a stripling if that is what it will take to beat some sense into me. To say that I was staggered would be the grossest understatement possible. I could only gape at her and mumble something about trying harder as Father sat there pretending not to notice anything amiss. As if that were not bad enough, she has also decided to regiment further the amount of time I may spend eating and bathing. According to Mother, my attitude is not improving sufficiently and she wishes me to spend more time reading and sewing and less on idle pursuits. It really is becoming intolerable - her very latest decision is that Aki will accompany Mother's maid to my rooms in the afternoon to join me in work on the tapestry for the Laughing Spider wedding. According to Aki the Ladies of the Court are now engaged in work on some new Pale Twilight banners and the Laughing Spider tapestry is to be my "special project", if I do not finish a certain area of it during the afternoon, Mother lectures me through out dinner on the merits of feminine pursuits and of the dangers of getting any older without securing a suitable husband. She then laments the fact that she has been looking for one such for several months and "cannot even interest the lesser lord of Crying Orchid". All of this I am expected to tolerate in absolute silence, whilst Taiji looks on pityingly, Aki simpers and Father... Father does nothing at all.
I do not know how much longer I shall be able to bear this. I spend what should be my sleeping hours thinking desperately about how to avoid any kind of marriage to someone I have never even met. Considering my options, though I know that I really have none. Stay here and become a tragic heroine, locked in my rooms ... or... actively seek a husband myself and escape into a prison of another sort. Of course, there is a third option... but how practical it is, remains to be seen. I have given the prospect of running away from home a great deal of thought. Several thoughts have occurred to me; firstly that I have no access to the library and without maps, I should be very foolish to leave home and roam about when I do not know the lands except from the inside of the litter that transports us where ever we go. Secondly, that I really have nowhere to go; who would shelter a runaway from another House and risk the wrath of Lord and Lady Pale Twilight on my account... this leaves me with the villages... and how should I survive village life when I know nothing of it? More to the point, whose villages should I choose? There are no sensible answers to any of these questions. If only I could gain access to my books, but another of Mother's little ideas for making me more feminine has been to forbid me entry to the library; I could scream. I really could scream. Unfortunately, on the one occasion I could not refrain from doing so, Mother decreed that I should go without supper and since she has replaced my maid, there is no one close to me who would defy her. This requires a great deal more thought...
On an entirely different note, I have been so distracted of of late, that I had not noticed the fact that there has been little news from my network, other than from Silent Thunder and Dying Crane. An oversight on my behalf; clearly I should have dispatched carrier birds to each of the other members of my network, but I have been distracted. A missive arrived from Fallen Sakura this morning with some news of extreme interest: it seems that following the abortive attempt to remove Lord Fallen Sakura from his House, things on that side of the Kingdom have become... unsettled. My spy up there says that Lady Fallen Sakura has begun packing her effects with the intention of removing herself to Laughing Spider and her parents there. Not, however, because she deplores Shigeru's mistreatment of Lady Dying Crane, but because she has taken umbrage at his lack of fidelity. Wonders will never cease! Lord Fallen Sakura, apparently does not seem to have taken the news too badly either and continues to rule as he always has. According to my man at Fallen Sakura, the courtiers seem to be assuming that he is hiding his grief and that he is on his way to a breakdown, which accounts for the unsettled atmosphere. My spy also let it be known that a letter was intercepted from His Lordship, addressed to the Lady of Dying Crane. Unfortunately, he has not yet managed to procure a copy of the Fallen Sakura seal so he was unable to open it before it left Fallen Sakura lands. That annoyed me, though no doubt I will hear of it when the next message arrives from Dying Crane. I must rest... and I must think more, on how I am to effect an escape from this confinement.

Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 25.

My brain feels paralyzed. In the last two weeks I have left my room only to bathe and to eat. Mother has even decided to limit the amount of time I may spend eating and bathing. It really is intolerable. Worse yet, she has somehow managed to reassign my maid. MY MAID. Who does she think she is?! I am simply sick of this. Something must be done, and soon.
The only plan I have been able to come up with so far, is to send a carrier bird to my people at Crying Orchid and have them return on a rescue mission. Of course once I do that... my bridges are burnt. Mother and father will know about my network and our plans for the future of Pale Twilight and all will be lost. On the other hand, I could simply disappear, I suppose... slip quietly into the night and never be heard of again... the downside to that plan is that mother and father would send out search parties from here to the 6th Kingdom and I would never... ever know a moment's rest unless I either found someone to protect and hide me, or.. indeed fled to the 5th or 4th Kingdoms... I know nothing of their customs or lands, there is nothing in the House library at all... mother and father's insularity at work again... This requires more thought...
At the very least I should put some sort of plan together in the eventuality that I do leave Pale Twilight,... Some sort of ... pack... clothing and such... I really do curse the day I was born into this House.

Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 17. Postscript.

My boredom has reached such epic levels that I now find myself making multiple entries in my journal. Although it did occur to me a little earlier to wonder what exactly the consequences would be, were mother to find it. And with a sick kind of fascination, I have been imagining such a scene all morning; over and over again. Each time with attention to a different detail; the colour of mother's sash, the print on my silks, the sound of music practice floating in on a breeze, birdsong outside my window, dust motes dancing in a ray of sunlight, the list goes on. If mother keeps me in here for much longer, I shall go stark raving mad.
I have been thinking a good deal about the affairs of the Houses of late. About how strange it is that, even though technically we don't need any since the Diplomatic Talks are supposed to keep us all in line, until Dying Crane "parted company" with Fallen Sakura, there were only two Houses with no allies. Silent Thunder, the largest of the Houses, and Pale Twilight. Why? Silent Thunder, having the most land, would surely be a target for invasion and take-over bids, yet as far as I have been able to ascertain through my study of the Kingdom's history, no attacks have ever been made. Of course, geographically, being so far down the coast, they are not a likely target from out-Worlders but until Lady Yuki and Lord Shunya tried their little coup, Silent Thunder had never been attacked at all...this puzzled me; I thought a great deal about it before I came to the conclusion that Silent Thunder took great pains to remain on good terms with every House and those that they were not on especially good terms were those on the other side of the Kingdom and therefore not a likely threat. Excellent political strategy; I could learn a lot from the House of Silent Thunder.
Pale Twilight on the other hand, is a political disaster, we have no allies and yet we fight off Raiders almost every six-month which costs the treasury a fortune... Why have we no allies and why are we such a target for Raiders? The answer to both I think is perhaps the same. Mother and father are so... insular. They stick to some ancient creed that none other follows, they keep themselves apart and care for nothing save their own tiny little world. I suppose that's what happens when you marry a cousin, however distant. Gods, why could I not have been born into Silent Thunder or Golden Harvest - into a relatively NORMAL House?! What is it that I did to deserve the wrath of the gods in this manner? Trapped, my intellect wasted, all because I was born here and twenty minutes later than Taiji. It is simply not right. I have been thinking a great deal about my situation of late. Mother seeks to confine me within the castle walls permanently, the noose, so to speak, has been tightening further by the day. In fact, I am amazed that she ever permitted me to attend Precision School, or the Talks at all... now that I think deeply upon this, perhaps it is father who ails and not mother after all. Perhaps this has been mother's wish all along, perhaps until recently, father had simply been telling her how things were going to be. ... This is an extremely worrying train of thought... Perhaps it has all been a plot by mother and knowing how close the two of us were, perhaps she is poisoning him...! I think too much, I am bored that is all. There could be no such plot - I cannot imagine mother has the brains... unless she really is a great deal more devious than I ever gave her credit for... I must stop this line of thinking otherwise it really will send me quite, quite mad. I must pull myself together and come up with a plan, but before I get to that, another carrier bird came in from the North - this one from Silent Thunder. It seems that the North is where all the action is of late. the other Houses are practically torpid...
It seems that following a collapse, Kaede of Silent Thunder was the victim of an assassination attempt. This really is rather intriguing since she is enslaved to Lord Kenta; her identity unknown to the population at large, most of whom, if we remember correctly believe Lady Kaede Silent Thunder to be already dead. So who is it that knows the truth and who would wish Kaede dead...? And since the House of Silent Thunder belongs to Lord Kenta, why would they wish Kaede dead? It makes no sense, the plot is as thick as our head chef's porridge. The attempt, a rather nasty affair involving a serrated dagger according to my spy at Silent Thunder - (who by some stroke of luck has befriended Lord Kenta's new companion - a young woman from the Borders) - was foiled by said companion who was nursing Kaede at the time. Obviously, an incompetent assassin who would attempt to kill a woman with another in the room, but we will save that little reflection for another time... The Lord Kenta's honour guard came rushing in and slew the assassin but not before Tomoe (the companion) had taken the dagger in her side... a nasty wound from which she may not recover says my spy. Kaede appears to be recovering from her shock but the final piece of information my spy imparts is that Kaede is confined to her room, an armed guard outside for her own protection yet Lord Kenta has ridden off on a mission and no one except his closest guards know whence he has gone and they are telling no one. Were I not so angry, I would find a delicious irony in being confined to my rooms by a guard along with Kaede... yet just at the moment, I am finding it impossible to laugh at anything much. By the gods I wish my intellect would help me now - I must find a way to remove myself from this wretched situation...

Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 17.

I think I am losing my touch. I managed to earn myself "at least another week's confinement" this morning, by arguing with mother over breakfast. I say argument, I must concede that it was rather one-sided. I made the mistake of asking father whether I could travel to Dying Crane to help the Lady Yuika in her distress; mother replied that I most certainly could not. She then asked me, well, demanded to know why it is that I have such an attachment to that "little strumpet". I am rather afraid that my response to her was to ask father when mother had become the Ruling Lord of Pale Twilight...
And so here I am, twiddling my thumbs in my rooms again. I am supposed to be embroidering this afternoon but gods know how I hate embroidery... Instead I am taking stock of my network and strangely, asking myself mother's question; what is it about Yuika that I feel the need to jump to her defence...? We never became the close friends I would have had us become - confidantes, sharing girlish tips about hair and make-up, boys and the boredom of life in the Ruling Classes. We only met twice a year of course, and after her mother died and Yuika Rose, we barely saw her at the Talks because she merited a place at Table. So I must ask myself again... what is it about this situation that makes me want to interfere...? The only answer I can give myself is that Yuika represents everything I wanted to be; talented, witty, beautiful, free-spirited and possessed of great charm. She was much like Shunsuke in that way, she only had to flash that radiant smile of hers and she would get out of whatever trouble she was in, or get whatever she had been refused. The Yuika I remember from my childhood was everything I aspired to be, but never became. Perhaps in trying to save her, I am really trying to rescue myself...

Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 16.

I believe my mother is suffering from the "female affliction". Either that, or she has some more serious malaise that is causing her to lose her mind. I simply cannot believe that she has confined me to my rooms. Actually posted one of her personal honour guard outside my doors to ensure that her orders are obeyed -not one of those at whom I can flutter my eyelashes and get what I want, either- I am furious. In fact, I am beyond furious. My own mother keeping me prisoner, having me escorted to the bath house and the banquet hall and quizzing me interminably over dinner to ascertain whether I have adequately absorbed the "self-improving literature" she sends to my room every day. It really is too much, I think I would rather she had had me thrown in the dungeons, and of course, any attempts to discuss things with father are interrupted, I do not believe father realises that mother seems to be losing her faculties.
Mother simply will not be reasoned with - I have always known that she is "unusual" - although these days what I have always viewed as her "empyheadedness" seems to be degenerating into something much, much worse. It is as if she is deliberately trying to ruin any chance I have of ever being happy. It is almost as if... as if she wants to relieve me of my personality and turn me into her clone; vapid, vacuous and bland. I do not think I love my own mother... and she in turn would rather see me trapped in a miserable marriage, settling down to do embroidery over pastries every afternoon, preening over my status as a Lady of whichever House, than see me happy...
It is as if she is oblivious to all that happens about the Kingdom - about her own House even. She refuses to acknowledge that injustice, poverty, and violence exist. Everything in her world is fluffy and light; pointless, vapid, vacuous and ... devoid of meaning. It is difficult to understand how I came to be the product of her loins, it really is strange that I resemble her neither in looks nor spirit. If it weren't for the fact that I have a twin, I would simply believe that I had been found on a hillside or something.
I suppose in a way, it was my own fault; I should have anticipated that mother would react in such a fashion... But it was intolerable - neither she nor father would listen to reason and what happened at Dying Crane was just. So. Wrong... I learned from my network that added to the terrible happenings at Silent Thunder, Lady Yuika of Dying Crane had been assaulted by Lord Shigeru of Fallen Sakura. I say "assaulted" - why beat around the bush? He raped her. Not only that but it became apparent that he had been doing so for years, since we were children in fact. Her closest maid is one of my spies - I was indeed lucky to get her into Dying Crane, usually Itsuki, the Court advisor from Hell, vets all staff with eagle eyes but with a recommendation from me, and a letter begging for Dying Crane's help in aiding my maid, Nanami, to get a position nearer her ailing Grandmother, her only living relative, who hails from the Lands of Dying Crane - I managed to place her right in the centre of things... Nanami remains loyal to me, although she has become very fond of Yuika. also and she wrote to me in distress asking for my advice.
According to Nanami, Yuika was eleven when Shigeru took her into an empty room with the promise of a special birthday present at the Talks, and Yuika was too innocent to know what he was doing. The blood boils in my very veins at the very thought of it... in fact, I believe I may even remember that night, myself... another round of awfully dull tutorials after a session of the Talks had run on... Taiji and I were about to return to our parents' suite along with a few other Children, Rise was there, I think and Taira, Yuika of course and Shunsuke for some reason... we were going to play cards, of course we had been sent up to get ready for bed really, but none of us wanted to go... Yuika had been told to go and dress to play the koto at her mother's little after hours soiree. The rest of us were not supposed to know that Yuika got to stay up half the night and eat sweets but of course we did. Shigeru called out to her as we passed one of the larger matted rooms and she went to him, telling us not to wait. There seemed nothing odd in it - he had been a friend of Dying Crane for many many years - he was as an uncle to her... but I do remember Yuika looking unwell the next day and asking her if something ailed her... and her reply that she felt... funny... Of course, I realise that it seems odd that I would remember something in the so distant past, and I probably would not, were it not for the fact that I was trying very hard to befriend Yuika. She was not at all the sort of girl my mother wished me to have as a friend; willful, disobedient, rowdy, either lazy or stupid in our tutorials... and yet she had this astonishing talent for the koto and she was so beautiful, even as a little girl. I had admired her from afar since we were tiny - believing that if I watched her closely enough, perhaps some of her beauty and talent would attach itself to me... how foolish I was as a child...! For her part, of course, Yuika hardly noticed my mousey existence but after that round of Talks, she became withdrawn, barely speaking even to those she considered among her friends and by the time we were attending Precision School she was aloof, haughty, arrogant, addicted to opium by all accounts, and sleeping with another woman's husband. Now, of course, I know the truth.
These changes in Yuika were not her fault, could she be any different? If I were in her place, I believe I could not have carried on living - she is much stronger than I... I would still be her friend if she would have me, yet she is close to no one, confiding in Nanami only because she is in such a pitiful state. Nanami tells me that Shigeru broke several of Yuika's bones; that in a rage, he beat her horribly before he raped her. She refuses to discuss the attack or confide in anyone further than she has already done so - Nanami says Yuika was fairly delirious when she intimated what had been happening and since that night, she has refused to talk about it further, telling Nanami that nothing is wrong. That she simply does not wish to leave her rooms. I am so angry I could spit blood, how does this sort of thing happen?! No one, not even the worst sort of harlot deserves that kind of treatment and despite rumours to the contrary, Yuika is no harlot.
Upon receiving Nanami's letter, I began devising a plot to rid the Kingdom of Shigeru... It was complicated but I believed that I could execute it sufficiently well that his death could not be traced back to Pale Twilight. Just as I was about to set the wheels in motion, so to speak, another, more favourable opportunity presented itself. It seemed that the other Houses were listening to the accusations against Shigeru and they called an emergency summit to debate his guilt or innocence and what was to be done about it. Mother and Father refused to go, saying it was not their business, not up to the Houses to decide Shigeru's fate since it was not a Diplomatic matter but a matter of Yuika's word against Shigeru. I was incensed. We argued about it for three days - Taiji of course, refused to stand up and say anything at all, and at the end of the third day, mother said she was tired of my tantrums, that it was not my business and that the matter was closed: Pale Twilight would not be present at the summit, Pale Twilight would abstain. My response to that was to send a messenger in father's livery with a forged letter apologising for Pale Twilight's absence at the summit but saying that father was unfortunately indisposed at present but that he would be pleased if the summit would acknowledge Pale Twilight's feeling that Shigeru had woefully wronged Yuika and that he should be punished with deposition if not death... Indeed all went well until the Houses tied in their judgment, with three refusing to vote at all and the letter came to tell father of the result of the summit... There was no point in denying the episode; Aki could not possibly have had the brains and Taiji would never have had the courage to have so blatantly disobeyed mother and father... and so, I remain confined until mother deems me fit to return to society proper. At least she has not discovered my network, or the fact that my carrier birds have access to my windows...

Year of the Boar, Fourth Month, Day 5.

More extraordinary news from Silent Thunder; another of my spies came rushing back from the North to tell me that my little plan has actually worked... I sent word by carrier bird that one of my people should try to get close to Lord Kenta and make some "comments" about the tragic nature of Kaede's death, thus prompting him to realise that he needed to look into Kaede's welfare. All Hell broke loose at the House when His Lordship discovered Lady Yuki's lies and mistreatment of Kaede and she and Lord Shunya dis-owned Lord Kenta, returned to White Lake and bade him never to darken their doors again! So, Lord Kenta now Rules Silent Thunder and keeps Kaede close to his side - although only he and his close companions are aware of Kaede's true identity. She remains sickly and weak and it remains to be seen whether she will recover from her latest bout of illness, caused, so rumours have it, by a beating meted out by Lord Kenta... it seems he really is determined to keep up appearances... if that is what it is... I cannot say I ever took him for the type to take sexual pleasure from acts of violence but then I never took him for the sort to keep up a ridiculous pretense that his lady love is dead. Perhaps there is more to this than meets the eyes... I must watch carefully, this may come in useful at a later date.
Here at Pale Twilight, things continue with mind-numbing conventionality. Absolutely nothing changes at all. Mother has started thinking about a new project for the Ladies of the Court, despite the fact that this year's is not even close to finished. Apparently she thinks a wedding is imminent at Crying Orchid, another of Taira's lesser cousins is to marry into Laughing Spider. Mother wants the Ladies to work on a tapestry for the "happy couple" - how I loathe tapestry; if anyone were to give *me* one as a wedding gift I think I should be hard pushed not to vomit.
There is one more piece of news about which I am furious, but officially this has not been imparted to me as yet so I am powerless to do anything much about it for the time being... Another of Mother's "ideas"; she believes that since I am now of marriageable age, and Taiji appears to be in excellent health, there is no need for me to go to the Talks twice a year. She thinks that I should remain at home for one round of the Talks and not concern myself with politics, but rather concentrate on pursuing more feminine arts... In order to make myself a more... attractive ... marriage prospect! I sometimes wonder if I am the product of my Mother's loins at all, and not a changeling... Aki is just like her, adept at making small talk and smiling in the face of tapestry and the tea ceremony. It simply isn't fair, even Kaede was permitted to learn archery and falconry, Rise of Laughing Spider went to the Military Academy and yet *I* have been forced to settle for the History Academy and TAPESTRY!! As I get older, Father seems to be giving in to Mother more and more often and I can rarely get what I want over the important issues... he will always capitulate on matters of the evening menu or the colour of the seasonal flowers and yet when something significant needs to be discussed, he just tells me to "ask Mother". He took Taiji on a tour of the villages last week, and although it was hardly a crucial matter, I felt slighted that he not only left me at home, but did not even mention it to me... and so we come back, yet again, to that twenty minutes... As Father gets older, he is feeling the need to pass on his wisdom to Taiji for when he comes to Rule... I, apparently do not need his wisdom these days... Well, we will see... we will see...

Year of the Boar, Third Month, Day 30.

I really shall have to devise a way of getting the information my spies collect faster; more news from the North of the Kingdom today, but of course it is already several days old...
Kaede (formerly, Lady Kaede Silent Thunder), apparently has been horribly ill-treated at the hands of Lady Yuki and Lord Shunya, who, to the surprise of everyone, actually left White Lake and moved into Silent Thunder with Lord Kenta. It has been difficult for my spies to get close to anyone with real influence - White Lake have moved their staff into Silent Thunder, more than half of Lady Kaede's guards chose to commit suicide and those who did not, have either become ronin or joined Lord Kenta's honour guard. The truth is known only to a few; most people believing the rumour begun by Lady Yuki that Lady Kaede is dead. That she took poison with her own hand after she waited at some Tea House for Lord Kenta, having removed all of her clothes and thus propositioned him. Upon his refusal, she became hysterical and ran from the Tea House and on being encountered by the captain of Lord Kenta's bodyguard, her shame was so great that she chose death, rather than live with what she had done. Of course, this is ridiculous, no noble woman takes off her clothes to engage in the act of love in the first place, where is the erotic allure in that? But secondly, Kaede is of the old school, even had she wished to commit suicide, she would have chosen disembowelment and would never have stooped so low as to poison herself. Despite her ridiculous attachment to Lord Kenta, Kaede remains a woman who sets great store in honour.
Still, the rumours are so much more interesting than the reality... according to the information that my spies can get, however, Lady Yuki is only too aware of her son's attachment to Kaede and fears that blinded by his love for her, he will be persuaded to return Silent Thunder and restore Kaede to her proper station. Lady Yuki, it seems, intends to become the first Ruling Lady in history to be the Ruling Lady of two Houses... This is an interesting ambition, a worry for the other Houses though, whatever would happen if her ambitions decided to stretch to a third or indeed a fourth House...? I suspect that this is why the truth has been well and truly hidden, why Kaede languishes in a prison of sorts, Lord Kenta kept away from her on false errands while Lady Yuki sees to it that Kaede is malnourished and beaten for the slightest mistake. My spies tell me that she grows weaker with each passing hour and that if someone does not intervene soon, Kaede really will be dead.
Unfortunately, since I cannot actually prove any of this, since I am not even the heir to my House, since my Father believes the rumour put about by Lady Yuki that Kaede is already dead, and I cannot reveal the nature of my Network... I am powerless to help her... unless... hmmm... perhaps there is something I could do... I shall think on it.

Year of the Boar, Second Month, Day 30.

Interesting news from the House of Silent Thunder; my spies tell me that Lord Kenta of White Lake has refused a proposal of marriage from Lady Kaede. Quite why she was stupid enough to propose to him in any case, is beyond me when it is quite obvious to anyone that an alliance between Silent Thunder and White Lake was never going to happen. Anyone with but a modicum of intelligence could see that Lord Kenta's parents, Lord Shunya and Lady Yuki, have been looking at marrying him into Shimmering Dawn. I do not know the eldest daughter of Shimmering Dawn very well, but from what I do know of her, she would have made a fine wife for one such as Kenta. She is quiet, unassuming, easily bent to the will of others, and of course at not quite yet 15, wholly untouched by a man... Of course, a marriage would not have been possible for a good few years yet, but politically it would have been a fine enough match when it did happen. Unfortunately, Kenta had the misfortune to actually fall in love with Kaede and she, as we all know, has been besotted with him since first their eyes met over an archery target at the Arts festival at Precision School. Of course, they had known each other for years before that, but it was at that moment that the tell-tale signs began to show themselves; the way her eyes would light up when he walked into a room, the light flush that would colour her cheeks and the way her breath would catch in her throat fractionally every time he spoke and the way that she would gaze starry-eyed at the door after he had left the room. Of course, she did her best to hide it, believing no doubt, that her feelings were not returned, and most of the rest of us were too busy mooning after Kenta's older brother, Sunsuke, to pay attention to Kaede's little crush. Shunsuke lost his life in a boating accident a few years ago and what a tragedy that was; Sunksuke was the kind of man who drew flocks and flocks of women around him, women from the lowest slave to the Ruling Ladies of the Kingdom, they were all infatuated and he was just as popular with the men. Ultimately though, he was interested in no one special, he was a playboy and his affairs were legendary. Rumour has it that he bedded Lady Mayu, a friend of his mother's when he was just 14. I have never managed to substantiate this so I cannot be sure whether it is indeed true or not. His parents were furious with his behaviour but Shunsuke had great charm and all he needed to do was smile and promise not to do it again, and even the most hardened court official would forgive him and let him off with a stern admonishment. I digress; since Lady Kaede is of the oldest House, there are some extremely archaic laws governing them and by having a marriage proposal turned down, she has now forfeited her House to White Lake. I will watch with interest...

Year of the Boar, Second Month, Day 19.

It really is completely galling to know that had I been born just twenty minutes earlier, I should one day sit around the table at the Bi-annual Kingdom Diplomatic Talks and not remain relegated to the Observers' Gallery. It absolutely sticks in my throat that I must work equally as hard as Taiji, my twin, and yet when our Father dies, it will be Taiji who succeeds him and I shall have no more status than our younger sister, Aki. I HATE him. By virtue of twenty minutes. Twenty. Minutes. Taiji will Rise and Rule Pale Twilight while a suitable husband will be sought for me and I will have to leave my home and join his. Although, reflecting on that somewhat, I suppose if I were to snare a Ruling Lord, leaving Pale Twilight would not come too hard. I have always liked Fallen Sakura... although Lord Shigeru has married Taira's cousin, Ryouka, added to which everyone (except his wife it seems) knows that Shigeru is bedding Yuika of Dying Crane and his heir by his first wife, Shiho, is still only a toddler. Taira himself is an arrogant misogynist, so I would not even entertain the idea of marrying into Crying Orchid. This bears more thought - perhaps I could consider Laughing Spider as a prospect...
This round of the the Talks, it has to be said was remarkably uneventful. Frankly boring by previous standards. No one stalked out of the room in a fury, no one threw a tantrum, no one cried, no one shouted - in fact, no one so much as brought a fist down on the table. I suppose that has a great deal to do with the fact that this year, no invaders have threatened anyone's borders and no House feels that their trading rights are being infringed. It really is all too dull. Still, I suppose I should be thankful for all I enjoy watching the petty squabblings and machinations of the Houses - it really does turn Father into a dreadful bore, he is never content to remain on the sidelines and let others argue. He always manages to find himself right in the middle of the fray and it becomes so much more difficult to get what I want from him when he is in poor humour.
Mother of course, never involves herself in such nonsense, preferring instead to amuse herself with such feminine pursuits as embroidery and tending her tiny herb garden. She believes that unless one actually *is* a Ruling Lady, one should most definitely stay out of politics. Which is another reason a marriage into another House would serve me well. Mother may not Rule the House but she certainly rules the ladies of the court with an iron hand. They are expected to rise and breakfast with the birds and then present themselves in her antechamber to work on whatever project she has going at the present time. Last year it was a tapestry to be presented to Lord Shigeru and Lady Ryouka in honour of their marriage, this year it is a new banner for the banquet hall. After a light lunch they take a short rest, followed by tea, unless Mother is required by etiquette to offer Hospitality, in which case the ladies please themselves until late afternoon when they may either work on the project further or take a turn around the garden or in the case of Mother's particular favourites - they may help her either tend the herbs or prepare some pastries or whatever she has her mind set on that day. Quite why life at Pale Twilight must be so regimented, I have never managed to fathom - life at other Houses is certainly not like that, but Mother believes that the Devil makes work for idle hands and no amount of protest will change her mind and nor will appealing to Father, who gives her whatever she wants. Aki and I are allowed a little more lee-way since we must study the politics of the House "just in case something should happen to Taiji" but we are still expected to present ourselves in the afternoon and take tea and participate in the pointless chatter.
As soon as Taiji Rises though, we will be relegated to the status of mere Royal Ladies until or unless we marry and then we will leave home and adopt the customs of our Husbands' Houses. All of which is quite ridiculous since something dreadful might befall Taiji five years after I have been confined to the life of a lady and then what on earth would happen? I should have no idea what is going on, or more laughable yet, he might drop dead two days after my wedding to a Lord on the other side of the Kingdom and then what should we do? Put *Aki* on the throne?! Still as I have said, on this, Mother will simply not be reasoned with and Father always listens to Mother. It really is all too ridiculous for words.