Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 4. Postscript.

 I had a sudden moment of clarity when I began this entry earlier; I could not believe that Father thought Mother wished to harm me. 

Quite suddenly, I recalled what Kaede said about The Lady Silent Thunder trying to stop Mother from beating me at a round of Talks. I realised that Mother not only wished to harm me, she did harm me.  Thinking this over brought up memories of deeply unpleasant things long buried, and I felt violently sick. The nausea overwhelmed me and I vomited several times before Haru brought me some tea to settle my stomach.

All my life, I have endured being berrated and beaten by Mother yet Taiji and Aki have done awful things without even the gentlest of admonishments. Worse still, Mother subjected me to punishments for their crimes. And I did not even see it. It has been right in front of my face since I was born but all I saw was Mother despising everything I did because I was not a 'proper Lady'... 

So there is my second question. Why does Mother hate me so much that she wants to hurt me? I am struck by the thought that she may actually have wanted me dead which leaves me with a third question: why did Father allow it?